Numbness. Nonchalance. What I feel when I withdraw from other human relationship. When I’m about to get close, I instinctively hold back. Why?
This question I never answered - until recently.
Our dog is now lying in a nearby veterinary clinic - holding on to his dear life. Barely gaining strength from his intensive medication against systemic infection, with the result apparently successful, now he’s diagnosed with yet another illness that caught us all quite unprepared.
Bruce has leukemia.
All throughout his ordeal I was hopeful and positive. He’d beaten the odds before - even when he was young. But, leukemia...? In disbelief I ‘rummaged’ through my memory the TV program that showed dogs afflicted with similar dreaded disease. I felt sympathy toward the dog and its owner. Now it’s the same boat I’m in.
Does he still stand a chance? I thought he could’ve had a fighting chance had it been the former misdiagnosis – leptospirosis – where his kidney alone needed salvaging. We would have been more hopeful than knowing it was leukemia, which the doctor regretfully broke would cause multiple organ failure on our pet’s already torn, bruised body.
As I write, I imagine him in silent agony, bearing the physical pain alone, perhaps the emotional hurt too, like I do, like my brother and sister feel at this moment. His blank countenance before we left made me wonder what was on his mind. Would he like to cry? Would he like to plead for help? Couldn’t he hear us? Couldn’t he hear me say to him ‘we love you bruce’ and ‘we love you’ over and over? I shed a tear and more..
Our dog’s been through a lot, sometimes I wish he didn’t have to suffer this much. If only we could trade all his sickness for something else, we would. But this world is ‘unforgiving’ - treating humans and animals alike. It has taken lives, it would take more, and who knows whom would it not spare?
So I'll just whisper to my God a prayer for our Bruce:
“Lord, I know You love Bruce more than we could ever love him, because you made him…..”
This question I never answered - until recently.
Our dog is now lying in a nearby veterinary clinic - holding on to his dear life. Barely gaining strength from his intensive medication against systemic infection, with the result apparently successful, now he’s diagnosed with yet another illness that caught us all quite unprepared.
Bruce has leukemia.
All throughout his ordeal I was hopeful and positive. He’d beaten the odds before - even when he was young. But, leukemia...? In disbelief I ‘rummaged’ through my memory the TV program that showed dogs afflicted with similar dreaded disease. I felt sympathy toward the dog and its owner. Now it’s the same boat I’m in.
Does he still stand a chance? I thought he could’ve had a fighting chance had it been the former misdiagnosis – leptospirosis – where his kidney alone needed salvaging. We would have been more hopeful than knowing it was leukemia, which the doctor regretfully broke would cause multiple organ failure on our pet’s already torn, bruised body.
As I write, I imagine him in silent agony, bearing the physical pain alone, perhaps the emotional hurt too, like I do, like my brother and sister feel at this moment. His blank countenance before we left made me wonder what was on his mind. Would he like to cry? Would he like to plead for help? Couldn’t he hear us? Couldn’t he hear me say to him ‘we love you bruce’ and ‘we love you’ over and over? I shed a tear and more..
Our dog’s been through a lot, sometimes I wish he didn’t have to suffer this much. If only we could trade all his sickness for something else, we would. But this world is ‘unforgiving’ - treating humans and animals alike. It has taken lives, it would take more, and who knows whom would it not spare?
So I'll just whisper to my God a prayer for our Bruce:
“Lord, I know You love Bruce more than we could ever love him, because you made him…..”
I can’t finish now, the vet called just seconds ago. Our Bruce is gone.
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…I know you felt our love Bruce…we risked it all because we love you.
We will miss you… We will always love you… you’re our baby… a family.
You were with us this morning, and tonight, with your loving Creator.
-----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Now I know the answer. After all the happiness, it is the fear of loss.
7june09/10pm
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…I know you felt our love Bruce…we risked it all because we love you.
We will miss you… We will always love you… you’re our baby… a family.
You were with us this morning, and tonight, with your loving Creator.
-----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Now I know the answer. After all the happiness, it is the fear of loss.
7june09/10pm
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